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Colonoscopy humor

A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."
9. "God, Now I know why I am not gay."
10. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
11. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
12. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
13. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
14. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral........I'm a gynecologist."

That's when the proctologist fainted.

"Each of us are unique ...we're all cracked pots".