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Redneck Pick up lines

1) Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

2) Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.

3) My Love for you is like diarrhea ... I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.

5) Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.

6) If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.

7) You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a Light switch away.

8) Man - "Fat Penguin!" Woman - "WHAT?" Man - "I just wanted to say Something that would break the ice."

9) I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?  I think he went Into this cheap motel room.

11) Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the Afternoon.

And.... The best for last!

13) Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it, my nuts Tighten up.

Redneck Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.

"A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb," (fireworks are legal in Alabama) "light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.
He held the can up to his ear and began to count:






At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Indiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, and West Virginia!